someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
