There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
