I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
