Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
