i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
