My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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