i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bring me that man meat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
