I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
