Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
