My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
