I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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