I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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