forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
