i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
