Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
