I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
