Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
