I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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