im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
