I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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