I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
