My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
