You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found your dick twin last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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