I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
