Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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