no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
