We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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