got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
