can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
