let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
