So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
