Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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