she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
