wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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