You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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