Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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