I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
