when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
