his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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