i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
