I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
