my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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