Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
