Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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