Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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