And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
