Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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