I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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