i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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