I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
