My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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