on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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