Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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