If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
